"You get prettier and prettier every time I see you, mija." My grandfather has told me that every single time I saw him since I was a kid. He taught me how to swim and told me all about his high school days. Now, he's in a hospital and I'm too scared to go see him. I've had dizzy spells and mood swings for the past month and it's gotten to the point where I don't want to be alone for even a few hours. There's a knot in my stomach that twists every time I think about him or hear about how he's doing. I even went as far as to ask my friends to take it easy on the jokes. I'm angry and depressed. Mix that with a lovely chemical imbalance (manic depression bi-polar) and you have a ticking time bomb. I'd rather not find out what could happen if I snap, especially if it's towards a friend.
My brother told me my dad wants all the grand kids to go see our grandpa in the hospital. I don't want to be the drama queen and make up excuses not to go, but I don't want to find out what my reaction will be when I see him. My grandpa is a true fighter and I don't want to be weak when I see him. This is one of those times when I need a shoulder to cry on. That's what sisters do. We may have our differences and petty arguments, but we're family.
It may be easier to go see your grandpa with a friend instead of a family member. If you need someone to take you let me know or reach out to one of your friends...Cheryl
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